Archives for posts with tag: awareness

There are some things in life we can change. There are some things in life we cannot change. If we can change it, we then seek solutions, but if we cannot change it and it was significant to us, then we need to grieve our loss. It is amazing how easy it is to get stuck on the journey of grief.  The two favorite parking places are depression and anger. There are those that choose to stay depressed as a way of life and those that carry a chip on their shoulder as a way of life.

 It is important to know that grief is a journey…an emotional one measured by the content and quality of the loss. Grief is not a mental experience nor defined by an objective standard.  We are in grief when we organize our life around our loss…that which is gone and absent.  And grief will continue until we organize and readjust our life to that which is present and around us.  Yet having a mental road map keeps us moving, normalizes our experience and validates our feelings along the way. The road map is not a fixed one and we can move forward and backward on the myriad of feelings. There are many books written on the steps of grieving and not all steps are identified with the same name or the number of steps. Elizabeth Kubler Ross  (On Death and Dying) and Granger Westberg,(Good Grief) both deceased offered many insights in their books from the work with those who grieve. Those of us who have lived grief can offer and expand on these insights. The steps are from Granger Westberg’s version, the explanation for each step morphs with my understanding and experience. 

Loss and grief are a universal experience; it crosses gender, age, socio-economics, and ethnicity, as well as cultural, religious and geographic divides. It unites us on the common ground of “meaning lost”. It seems no one escapes grief if we dare to care and love.

Loss happens and only we know how significant it is as we are the only ones that ascribe meaning to our loss.  So when loss happens in our life, the drama begins …yet without our acknowledging the drama. 

Shock and Denial quickly show up and we do not acknowledge the loss.  The reason of course is because the reality is often too much to bear all at once.  We cannot handle the dose of the reality.  It is like trying to stare at the sun all day without sunglasses. We cannot do this…so we are given the gift of shock and denial as a respite from the harshness.  But it is only temporary… we will move out of this place otherwise it is maladaptive to the process to remain in denial indefinitely. Shock and denial can last from a few minutes, hours, days and maybe weeks but then our facades break down and we release the emotions.

Sadness, Depression, Loneliness often follows the breakdown of our shock and denial.  A welter of emotions find their release in tears, but it can be overwhelming. If we do not move and release the emotion we can get stuck and get sick.  As long as we get triggered emotionally, it means our grief is not over, our work is not over. Notice the larger part of the word emotion is MOTION…keep the feelings moving through us. With these dampened feelings, we tend to isolate ourselves, lose interest in life and activities.  Life is hard to go on with, as there are so many adjustments, too many demands on us, yet, life goes on without us and we do not care. We feel no one cares, not even God.  We can experience despair.

Physical Symptoms of Distress can follow if we do not want to deal with the changes in our life, and we put up a front of being okay… our body soon will call us liars. We will experience symptoms of sleeplessness, or too much sleep, backaches, restlessness, eating too much or not enough, headaches; we can get sick. There is a strong relationship between illness and grief not dealt with in healthy ways. We are invited to re-examine how we look at life, explore our faith or lack of it.  Lost meaning invites us to create meaning again in our life. Beliefs are challenged.

Panic Strikes when we realize our life will never be the same again. We can think of nothing but the loss. We are hindered and less effective in everything we do. We cannot concentrate or focus and are paralyzed with fear.  The way we knew life is forever gone…forever hard to grasp.  We want to run away from life and living. We often slide back into the comfort of depression as we are familiar with it by now and social demands are eased. But how do we get out of this pit of panic…the scariest part of the grief… the realization things will never be the same again!!!!!!!!!! AGHHHH!!!! But just then the blessing of the energy of anger shows up!

to be continued…

Maria Hilda Pinon, author of The Willows of Corona, a novel, and Candles in the Dark…poems to grieve, hope and love again.

www.mariahildapinon.com

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Now look at the wonder of all living things, in particular human beings.  Look at our capacity as beings gifted with intelligence, talents, a functioning body that strives to stay in balance and healthy (read about homeostasis and human physiology and stand in amazement), emotions, a mind, and a spirit part of the larger universal spirit…beings that have been given everything we need to make it in this world. 

The wonder of man and his achievements and accomplishments since the beginning of time speaks to the skill sets developed because of our imagination and intelligence and ability to create. Human beings create some amazing things in the world that improve life for all of us. Look all around you and notice that all things visible to us began as one person’s conception or idea and now it is embodied and part of our world. Appreciate all that you interact with from a toothbrush, to a fork, to the transportation we use, to the food we just shopped for, to the clothes we wear, to the phone we use and this computer that can transmit this message. It was an idea in someone’s beautiful mind at one time before it came into existence, including the intangibles like harmony.  

What we can craft is spectacular!  Imagine what one brilliant mind can do, imagine many brilliant minds working for the common good of all.  Imagine a world where each person gets to contribute their best to move humanity forward. Believe in yourself and all you are capable of being and giving to the world to make this a world we can be proud of and share with one another in joy.

 Can we co-create a world that by choice… we all get a chance…not a world that by chance… some get a choice?

What do you believe?

 Maria Hilda Pinon, author of The Willows of Corona, a novel, and Candles in the Dark…poems to grieve, hope and love again.

www.mariahildapinon.com

We never act outside of our belief system.  If we do, we generally experience dissonance or discomfort at some level.  We then can either change the action or change the belief to improve our experience of dissonance or discomfort.

If you wonder what your beliefs are, just observe your behavior or conduct. There is a belief you have that allows you to act on it without any feelings of discomfort at any level. For example, if you get involved with activities that promote health, it is probably because you believe this is something to support and live out or perhaps you believe you should do what other individuals with greater knowledge offer.

We are invited to believe in many things that can be at odds in many ways and make our life a very complex list of do’s and don’ts and potential conflicts. 

Some beliefs are myths… some unexamined and others more examined. We choose to believe the myths as true.  But, just because a large majority believes something, does not mean the belief is true anymore than when a small minority believes something and we believe it is untrue.  Our collective history evidences how some beliefs once held unshakeable, get abandoned.  Remember the time when slavery was common practice?   

Given the nature of how beliefs create the path we chose to walk, it is prudent to ask ourselves what we believe about any action we give time and energy to support and create.

If we are willing to loosen up our attachments to our beliefs long enough to examine them, we could learn about ourselves without getting so defensive or argumentative or aggressive when someone challenges a belief we hold.  Each challenge can help us clarify or perhaps liberate us of what can bind us and keep us from growing, moving forward or becoming more than we can be at any given moment. We can choose to stay in conversations of possibilities or gridlock them.  We can choose high roads or low roads. We can rise to an occasion of greatness or step into smallness. All greatness, now or in the past, comes from seeing possibilities and releasing some beliefs…  

 

Maria Hilda Pinon, author of The Willows of Corona, a novel, and Candles in the Dark…poems to grieve, hope and love again.

www.mariahildapinon.com

 

 

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

 Mahatma Ghandi, Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 – 1948)

 

Is there congruence in your life between your thoughts, words and actions? Take time to check in with yourself on this key point of healing, growth and transformation.

www.mariahildapinon.com

Maria Hilda Pinon, author, The Willows of Corona, a novel and Candles in the Dark…poems to grieve, hope and love again

Such a symbol of unity when one torch lit a circle of fire and was raised high above to become one…fire! So many countries united as one team! What a moment! What planning! What coordination! What cooperation! What a message! Can we as humanity light a torch toward unity in the common goal of excellence, mastery and bringing out the best in all of us to make our world viable for future generations, beginning with our tomorrow?  We can do this in other areas, not just sports…can’t we? Every discipline needs the inspiration of the multiple lights becoming one, despite all differences.  We are capable of not being threatened by differences, but rather admire and learn from them. We are capable of being side by side in peace and joy. We are capable of joining hands and have the music move us into a dance of harmony…Hey Jude, don’t let me down….don’t let us down…let us rise up to the challenge to bring our world to a better place.

The last time the torch was lit, was before the United States had a new President, before the Wall Street embarrassment of greed, mismanagement or bad luck broke our pockets and all the institutions that tumbled in the aftermath, to list a few, but take note worldwide, of what has crumbled down since our last Olympic torch was lit!  When things breakdown…where does it end?

What does it take to move the spirit of unity outside of the arena of sports or humanitarian efforts when tragedies occur, either from “nature” or someone’s “awry nature”? What does it take to get us to really examine what works and what does not work in our world? What does it take to recognize that WE are the co-creators of change in the world and it is up to us to own the breaking down of institutions and the building up of institutions…new ones, renewed ones?

The torch of AWE!!!!! A World Evolved…because we have evolved and can create a world that works for everyone…we have what it takes in us and around us. What will we each do to contribute to make this change?

Maria Hilda Pinon, author of The Willows of  Corona, a novel, and Candles in the Dark…poems to grieve, hope and love again.

www.mariahildapinon.com